Mark Twain’s description of the coyote in his book Roughing It is possibly the best metaphor for the feelings of isolation that often accompany personal growth. He calls the coyote a “long, slim, sick and sorry-looking skeleton, with a gray wolf-skin stretched over it.” Which, coincidentally, is exactly how I feel when in this season of growth. Like some awkward, half-starved creature stumbling through recovery, unsure whether I’m progressing or just making a fool of myself.

When you start to grow, you leave behind your old ways, but you haven’t quite found solid footing in the new. Often you can feel stuck in this uncomfortable in-between, much like Twain’s coyote. Alienated, twitchy, and deeply uncool. The coyote doesn’t command the respect of the noble wolf, nor does it have the carefree charm of a house dog. It just slinks around, judged by everyone often family, including (and especially) itself. And if you think about it, that’s what happens when we abandon our old identities and try to become something more. There’s a deep loneliness in realizing that personal growth often means standing apart, and insecurity loves to feast on the fear of not belonging.

Jordan Peterson writes that we need to push forward anyway, and consciously carry the “burden of transformation” even when I feel ridiculous or out of place. Today, I will embrace my awkward growth phase, knowing that discomfort is not a sign of failure but of progress. i will guard against the mental isolation that I use to operate in, I will embrace and employ what I am learning in this phase of my growth, despite the expectations and judgements of others. I may not be a wolf at this point, but I sure as hell don’t have to stay a starving coyote.